I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
