Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
