that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
