I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
