You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize