Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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