oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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