Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
