Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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