did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
