Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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