you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's never too late to be topless.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
