I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
