Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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