were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
