We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
