so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
