Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
