I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
