when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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