so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
