There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
