Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
