S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
