You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
