I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
