you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
