You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
