hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize