i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize