That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
