hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
