So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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