i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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