can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
