How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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