I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
