Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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