Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
