I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
