Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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