i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
