in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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