I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
