The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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