My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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