By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
