dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
