Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
