Its about making memories worth repressing
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
