There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
