My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
