I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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