Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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