the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
