remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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