im drinking this country out of the recession.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
