How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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