can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
