By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
