whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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