hotel room ftw
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize