4 words: hood of his car
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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