Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
