I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
