i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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