Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
